End Of Another Chapter

I grew up in the sort of family that taught me to always do my best, and I would never have anything to be ashamed of.  I wasn’t the brightest kid, I admit.  I didn’t get amazing grades.  I didn’t ‘wow’ my teachers.  I was more than a little lazy, and often didn’t put in my best effort.  But the one thing my mom always told me was that she would never, ever, be disappointed in me if I did my absolute best and still ended up with a poor result.

It was only if I didn’t try at all that it would make her and my father feel bad.

I’ve sort of carried that philosophy with me as I entered adulthood.  I’ve always felt that if I just tried — if I gave something my all — there was no way I could fail.  It only takes a few times of being knocked down to earth to realize just how naive that sort of thinking is though.  I just got laid off my 3rd job in about 10 years.  It bugs me more than I would have thought it would.  I can feel that “it’s just not fair” sentiment creeping up on me. You go to work everyday and do your best.  You take pride in what you do.  You go out of your way to be a good coworker — and then one day, for no good particular reason, you are jobless.

I would so much rather be fired for something I did, rather than just lose my job during a layoff.  If I stole something, or crashed the company vehicle.  Or if I was just hapless, or sexually harassed everything that walked into the office on two legs.  If I just did SOMETHING, so I could look back and say “Ah ha, yup, that is why I don’t have a job anymore”, I would feel so much  better about the situation.

But layoffs are an undeserving slap in the face.

• we are downsizing
• you are too old
• we are consolidating your position
• you don’t have enough seniority
• the business is closing

I just can’t control those sorts of things.  I know, I know, it just comes with being an adult.  It still isn’t fun though.  I wonder how many times this will have to happen to me before I just stop giving 100% at each job.  If I’m always thinking that down the road I’ll probably be let go anyway, why strive to be the best?

The only thing I can comfort myself with are the words of a former NFL coach, Mike Ditka, who aptly said:  “Success is never permanent, and failure is never final”.  This failure won’t be final.  I just have to get back up and dust myself off, and try again.  Hopefully I can keep convincing myself of that.